With your social media feeds flooded with happy couples and Olivia Rodrigo writing an entire album about her recent heartbreak, it may seem like everyone around you is having more romantic experiences than you are.
So, where does that leave those of us who are 19 and have never had a boyfriend and have definitely never been kissed?
It may seem like you are falling behind, but it’s important to remember that having a boyfriend and experiencing your first kiss is only one important milestone in growing up.
The funny thing about important milestones is that they happen at a pace unique to every person.
If you’re struggling with feeling anxious or sad about not having any romantic leads, take some time to reflect.
1. Ask yourself why you want a boyfriend ❓
Entering into a relationship with someone is a big deal.
A successful relationship requires you to be vulnerable, honest, and respect the needs and wants of someone else.
Being in a relationship also takes a lot of time and energy, so it’s important to make sure that you can make space in your life before you invite someone else in.
Take time to ask yourself why you want a boyfriend, and if it’s for the right reasons.
Are you looking for someone to be a partner that you can share fun and new experiences with? Or are you just hoping to have someone to go out with on a Friday night and make your friends jealous?
If you’re leaning towards the latter, maybe having a boyfriend isn’t the best option for you right now, and know that it’s ok to slow down!
2. Remember, it’s not a race 🏁
When you’re 19 it probably feels like everyone around you has had their first kiss, dated multiple guys, and is now falling in love
But just like most experiences in life, taking your time with romance and going at your own pace is important.
Forcing yourself to enter into something before you are totally comfortable will only end in disaster, and that includes the emotional and physical aspects of having your first boyfriend and your first kiss.
Rushing in can cause awkward situations, issues with trust in your relationship, and miscommunication between you and your partner.
3. Focus on your nonromantic relationships 👩👩👧
Sometimes the best way to find love is to stop spending so much time looking for it.
While this can seem counterintuitive and you might feel pressure when you’re 19, focusing on yourself, your friendships, and your family can sometimes be the best way to find a good match.
While it’s ok to be alone, it doesn’t mean that you have to be lonely.
Focusing on building strong bonds and forming new friendships is a great way to stay social without a romantic partner.
And you never know, one of those new connections may just lead to you finding romance!
4. Love yourself ❤️
Have you ever heard the saying “you can’t love someone else until you truly love yourself”?
Although it sounds cliche and you’re probably sick of hearing it, there is some truth to it.
The best way to have your first kiss, find a boyfriend, and have a healthy relationship, is to make sure that you’re happy with yourself.
Get to know your likes and dislikes, and find the things that you really love about yourself.
Confidence is key when you are looking for a boyfriend, and loving yourself will make you an even more attractive partner.
One way to learn to love yourself is to take time every day to practice self-care, whether that means putting on your favorite outfit and makeup, or taking a few moments to journal and reflect. You can take easy steps every day to feel like your best self.
5. Get out of your comfort zone 🌎
Once you’ve learned to love yourself and you’ve built up your confidence, it will be even easier to step out of your comfort zone.
Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone will not only open you up to a load of new experiences but will also connect you with new friends and potential love interests.
Try to socialize with new people at your school, at work, or on social media.
You can also take up a new hobby or activity that might seem intimidating to you at first.
Start volunteering for an organization that you are passionate about, like your local animal shelter or food kitchen, or joining a sports club or hiking group.
Putting yourself out of your comfort zone will help you to make new friends, meet new people, and can even make you feel more connected to yourself, and your community.
6. Be willing to make the first move 💬
It may seem like there is nothing scarier than putting yourself out there and facing potential rejection, but making the first move can help you gain confidence and can also be very impressive to a guy.
What’s cooler than someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to go out and get it?
Most women can pick up that a guy is interested, so pay attention to the subtle cues that your crush is sending you!
Do they always sit next to you when your group goes out? Prolonged eye contact? Finding excuses to touch or talk to you?
These are all signs that he might be interested.
From there, make a casual offer to hang out sometime, and open the door for them to take the next step. The worst that can happen is that the person says no, which will allow you move on to the next opportunity.
Not having had a first kiss or boyfriend by the age of 19 can make you feel anxious and sad, but following these steps will help you gain back control, feel better, and open you up to new and exciting opportunities!
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